Funny Life Quotes And Sayings With Images

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When life knocks you down… calmly get back up, smile and very politely say, you hit like a bitch.

The alphabet being with abc. Numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi and friendship begins with you and me.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture.

Life is not about how you swine the storm it’s about how you dance in the rain.

Life always offers you a second chance, it’s called tomorrow.

You never realize how boring your life is until someone ask what you like to do for dun.

I can relate that mine heart attack you get when you miss a step on the stairs.

Sometime I wish I was a bird… so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

Give it to me she yelled I am so fucking wet, give it to me now she could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.

The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.

You’re mad. Bonkers. Off your head … but I’ll tell you a secret… all of the best people are. Alice in wonderland!

I’ve been single for a while and I have to say. It’s going very well. Like it’s working out I think I am the one.

Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table... the let them eat alone.

When I am bored I send a text to a random number saying I hid the body... Now what?

Laughing so hard no noise coming out, so you sit there clapping like a retarded seal.

God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

I love being married it’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

The word studying was made up of two words originally students dying.

“I need to talk to you” that one sentence that has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you did in your whole life.

I hate when people see me at the super market & they are like eye what are you doing here? And I am just like: and I am just like oh you know hunting elephants.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Have you ever noticed that a woman’s till be ready in five minutes and a man’s till be home in five minutes are exactly the same?

Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.

Remember that some women marry death-row pen pays reminds me that my life choices aren’t so bad after all.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.

I am happy that I am fat, otherwise I am pretty sure I’d be an absolute slut.

Today we start a new chapter in our life, 365 blank pages we decide what goes in them, so fill them to make it the best chapter ever.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24h a day 365 days a year from you birth until you fall in love.

I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in a Capri sun.

You have what we call, an irrational sense of entitlement, it won’t kill you but it will cause you to believe that you deserve shit for doing nothing.

Life is an adventure... Dare it life is a love … enjoy it. Life is a tragedy... Face it.life is struggles... fight it. Life is praise... Fulfill it.

Life doesn’t give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need, to help you to, hurt you to leave you to love you and to support you to become the person you know you can be.

Life is too short to waste time being pretend-nice to stupid bitches.

The past can be a terrible weight bound to you by an unbreakable chain. You can drop it with you forever looking ever you should of what holds you back or you can let it go move forward. It’s your choice.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless create it & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.

Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

It’s better to look back on life and say: I can’t believe I five that. Than to look back and say: I wish I did that.

Math is fun, it teaches your life and death information, like when you’re cold, you should go to a corner since it’s 90 degrees there.

I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Scientists say the inverse is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons they forget to mention maroons.

I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I am still looking for ideas.

All my life I though air was free. until bought a bag of chips!

You never know what you have until. You clean your room.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.